On fighting the right battles . . .

I seldom feel the palpable intent of the enemy . . . David’s sudden death was one of those times. Scripture returned to me, as it did many times, when I doubted and fretted:

“You intended to harm me, but God intend[s] it for good . . .” Gen 50:20.

I don’t like to blame “bad things on the devil” . . . because I believe God is ALWAYS & ULTIMATELY in control; however, I do believe the Word which says in 1 Peter 5:8, “your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour.”

So . . . I’m feeling a little chewed-up and spat out right now . . .

Last week, during preparation for the first Her Passsion local worship & teaching event, I had a severe allergic reaction after a field day with Annabelle, my heat went out upstairs, my toilet stopped working downstairs, and my external drive which had many of my personal and ministry photos from Africa, crashed. (The ministry photos were backed up…the ones from the last 6 months of my dad’s life, many particularly with his “little man,” my little David, were not . . we are still praying they can be recovered. Breaks my heart.)

Though I was troubled, it did not surprise me terribly, as we (Her Passion) are in the midst of producing our first ministry magazine . . . and we were on task to have the photos selected in a matter of days. On the ministry front, God is using a small, yet amazing, group of young women to help me execute the vision God has given me… partnerships & projects in Africa (Kenya and Uganda) which include a medical clinic, a restoration home, purity programs, and locally, a long-had vision of teaching the Word on a regular basis . . .God is doing some exciting things.

But it is easy to forget exactly what He is doing and become distracted when you are being devoured. Life sets in and instead of being propelled into the purposes for which you were created, you are paralyzed by the circumstances of the day. I know. I was reminded this week of how that happens.

Anyway, as for the distractions, I’ve lost much more than photos in the recent past, and besides, people lose photos everyday, and more consequently, many people in the world have no heat—nor a toilet—at all. . . Which ironically, encourages me to continue doing what I’ve been called to do . . .

Teach the Word.
Reach the world.
All for the glory of God.

I came across this verse in my quiet time this morning,

“Only . . . fight the Lord’s battles.”
1 Sam 18:17b.

Which reminded me that the battle is “not against flesh and blood, but against . . . the spiritual forces of evil . . .” (Eph 6:12) and that my challenge is to fight the right battles.

Is it insignificant that I lost treasured photos of my sweet dad with “Papa’s little man?” No.

Is it more significant that there are little people in the world who don’t have a “papa” to love them, much less have pictures with him? Yes. (I know this one personally, and well.)

Is it insignificant that my heat went out and (one) of my toilets? No.

Is it (much) more significant that many don’t have heat nor one functioning toilet? Without a doubt.

So . . . it didn’t happen immediately, but I am thankful that God used these rather inconvenient (and heartbreaking) events to affirm “that to which I have been called.”

And I am ever reminded to walk away from battles that are meant only to devour and distract me from God’s divine plan.

“I have fought the good fight…” (2 Tim 4:7b)…but only if it’s the right ones.

Choose your battles.

It can be the difference between being devoured and being delivered.

After the horror of watching my dad turn blue and stop breathing before my eyes on Monday, I then watched him lay in the unit that night and all day Tuesday sedated, unable to talk, having many unanswered questions about exactly what happened on Monday afternoon.

My father has been in declining health over the last 4 years. And at this point, I’m sure he has exhausted more than 9 lives…he has had many close calls, all of them having to do with the immediate consequence of alcohol or the long-term effects that it takes on one’s body. He is a living, breathing example that God ordains the day we come into this world and that our times are in His hands…and that means he also ordains the day we leave…and my dad, Dickey, believes that, too.

Tuesday night, we were preparing to go in for visitation. As we had been doing, we, the family (my 2 siblings, my step-mom, and my dad’s 3 siblings) would take turns going into his room, stand around his bed, watch him sleep, as he had been all day, and listen to each other tell him that he was going to be fine, and they were working on getting him off that breathing machine. (He was weened down to 35%, but his doctors were saying 2 more days before we could expect him to come off.) So, we expected to see him, as we had seen him, with tubes hanging out his mouth, an occasional twitch which was present from the medicine (and possibly symptomatic of other health complications), and hear the rhythm of beeps of the heart monitor.

Well…next, was the “Mary moment.” His youngest sister had gone in first, only to skip back to the waiting area, telling us to, “Come! He was awake and talking!” He had pulled his vent tube out himself…so much for the wrist restraints that had been keeping him from that. Part of the miracle is that he didn’t code again from removing the oxygen! He was breathing on his own and wide awake and talking. As we all stood around his bed, we listened to him testify that he knew he hadn’t done everything “right” but that being alive gave him the opportunity to “go out” (whenever that would be) doing good instead of not. He went on to say that he didn’t know why the Lord was keeping him around, but he knew God would use Him, “all you have to say is, ‘God use me’.”

After the sermonette that he delivered, we left him for the night. I was still somewhat befuddled at the fact that he was awake and talking. I knew he still wasn’t out of the woods, as he has such a complicated health history, but thanked God for those words he spoke if it were to be his last night with us.

Friends, on Monday night, I did not believe that my dad would leave the hospital this time. Despite the fact that he has some hurdles to overcome, I do believe he will will leave again…and perhaps “live” again.

That’s the plea if my heart. I do believe he wants his life to count for something…don’t we all. I also know, that’s where the real battle for “life” begins, as the enemy wants us to count our mistakes, misgivings, shortcomings, inadequacies, grievances, entitlements and on and on….count anything except the Purposes for which we were created–firstly and primarily being to have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe. Then to glorify Him. Then all else. Sometimes the “all else,” even in the guise of God, becomes destructive.

My prayer for my dad for years has been this…that God would restore my dad’s relationship with Him before He took him to Glory. Well…my dad is alive (again) and that is still my prayer.

So, would you pray specifically for that.
And…in the meantime, that God would restore his health in order that he may testify to God’s purposes in his life.

As of this Friday morning, my dad has been transferred to a private room still in the critical care unit. He is still in VERY FRAGILE health. His kidneys are on the rebound (we pray) from near kidney failure this week. His heart is being stressed due to his kidneys being marginalized. If you don’t see the miracle that he is even breathing, let me share for the context of prayer and healing, that…he has had multiple heart attacks. He had triple bypass surgery 4 years ago. He has nueropathy in his lower extremities. He has had both hips replaced. And he has been hospitalized, now, probably 4 times in the last 2 years due to fluid retention, that, mind you, becomes life threatening every time. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, he has a pacemaker. See what I mean…that he is even here testifies to God’s timing over our lives, and my dad’s will to live. And, that, I pray God will honor.

So, will you pray for his coordination of care as it has been non-existent to say the least. We are praying for his kidneys to rebound in order for fluid retention to relent and to take dialysis off the table as an option and a decision that would have to be made.

We pray his heart is strengthened miraculously, physically, but even more so in Spirit, as this is going to be (another) long recovery. I pray God protects his mind from pride and lies of dillusion and destruction. As he has returned to conscienceness, he is struggling with being stir-crazy just lying in the hospital bed. Before he can be released, they need to do an angiogram on his legs to look at potential blockage to his lower extremities. They also have been waiting to do a CT with contrast on his chest to confirm whether a pulmonary embolism (or not) was the cause of the cardiac arrest.

Wew…and, yes, would you pray for me and my family as we drive back and forth from Nashville and Huntsville and those spending long hours at the hospital.

This is what I thought as I listened to my dad asking God to reveal his purposes for his lifeTuesday night after he pulled his own tubes…

We can be alive physically, all while dying in the places nobody ever sees.
We can live forever physically while hooked up to artificial means of sustenance, yet be dead to the bone in Spirit.
It is being hooked up to and plugged into the purposes and plans that God created us for that we really “live” and breathe and find joy. The enemy presents the “alternative breath” every day…succumbing to the things we THINK we need to keep us alive, but really, they do nothing except keep us away from the purposes for which we were created, and thereinlies death. I pray that you are “alive” and that the very breath of God is what is sustaining you…I am certain that is what my dad would say.

Thank you for praying with us.

His grace is real,
Candice

I am writing, literally, from the road–which has new meaning after driving many hundreds of miles in vans over the last 2 days–in Africa. We are driving back from Saiya, the village in north western, Kenya where the clinic was built. “Out in the middle of no where” also has new meaning. God has used that literal, “distant” fact quite vividly to teach me several things.

I don’t know that I’ve fully grasped until today what distance or length God goes to in order to reach people with His love. That is one of the things He is impressing on me. It baffles me to try and understand that God would use an ordinary woman like me, living in Nashville, TN, to fulfill the dream and vision He gave a family in Kenya, Africa, years ago. Go there…

About 5 years ago, a woman named Joan Abungu (pronounced Joanne) lost her brother to a common African sickness because he did not have access to medical care within reasonable time to save his life. She then told her grandson, Peter, that if God would provide the resources, that she would give part of her land on which to build a medical clinic.

Peter, being the Kingdom minded servant that he is, began praying to that end.

Fast forward 4 years…

Last November as I, myself, was continuing to pray through and attempt to discern how God was calling me to expand my ministry, I met Peter through a dear friend and ministry partner, Benny Proffitt of First Priority Global.

Very simply through natural conversation while Peter was visiting in the States, he shared with me his vision for a clinic.

I had been praying.

Peter had been waiting.

Peter’s grandmother had been praying.

That is where prayerful, expectant faith meets The God who answers over and abundantly, greater than anything we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20).

This year ground was broken on the medical clinic in February.
We dedicated the clinic today, and we anticipate it to be fully operational by years’ end. Manifest redemption.

I met Mrs. Joan today. We hugged so long, I didn’t want to let go of her. Tears of joy for both of us…manifest redemption.

I stood next to Peter’s aunt at the ceremony (who was the widow of his uncle who inspired Joan to build the clinic.)…manifest redemption.

I could NOT imagine this happening in a million years. But I COULD see how intentional God is in loving and caring for our needs and reaching those who are unreachable…three women (2 of them widows), two colors of skin, separated by continents. Common denominator: trusting God to redeem. Trusting God to rebuild.

I am humbled beyond belief.

Earlier in the day, we also visited 2 schools of which the details and emotion I will have to share later. It was an amazing, eye-opening experience. One of the schools, Peter attended as a young boy…by the way, Peter’s mother was killed and his father died when he was 12 years old.

Strange how death brings amazing opportunity for redemption…

I will write more about our experience
later…much more to share.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

We arrived in Nairobi last night, all 10 of our team, safe and sound, eager to ready our hearts and minds for that which God has called us here.

I am lying in my hotel bed at 4am listening to the sounds of Africa…I am not exactly sure what or who it is but my best description is a gentle (but loud, obviously) chanting. It has been coming and going for the last hour. My flesh prays that it does not wake the children as they do need the sleep from the 24 hours behind and for the days ahead. However, my heart prays this morning, on the outset of this adventure, that God accept my praise as loudly as my African neighbor who is calling out to someone.

I have experienced a great overwhelming as to the opportunity God has provided me here, and humbly come seeking your support in prayer.

The 4th anniversary of David’s death has just passed and with it comes continued petition for God to glorify Himself and use me to that end. It is surreal almost to think about having exchanged my husband and father of my children for this sort of duty. Dare I say I would have done so if God had asked me to participate knowing what my life would entail. However, I have learned that being a follower of Christ means being willing to give all we have if He so asks. So that is the reason which I comply and respond, just as Moses did, “Now show me Your Glory.”

We drive tomorrow for 6 hours to Kisumu in order to dedicate the Ashburn Ohuru Medical Clinic in a village where medical care has not been within reach of the local people on Wednesday.

Would you please pray specifically for:

• Our health while we are here and upon return.
• Our ability to rest, whether it is while in the van as we travel on land or in a bed where we get to lay our head.
• Safety to and fro. We head to Kisumu tomorrow. Nakuru Wednesday. Enjoy a safari on Thursday and travel back to Nairobi on Friday where I will spend the weekend teaching.
• Saturday I get to share a message of self-worth in Christ and purity to a group of about 350 teenage girls in Kibera, one of the largest slums in Africa. It is called the Jitambue program which my ministry partner, Peter Abungu, founded.
• Sunday I will be sharing in several churches in Nairobi and that afternoon teaching at the Her Passion Women’s Conference.
• Please pray for the hearts of those there and that I would speak the words they need to hear. And that God would refine the messages He wants me to teach. May the Holy Spirit be very present.

We leave Nairobi late Sunday night and arrive in Uganda for our stay, the 17-26. I will send requests for that week then.

Thank you so much for walking with me down this path. Though this all sounds so exciting, and it is, and somewhat glamorous-i it is not, it is not easy. Circumnavigating the globe with 3 children hopefully makes God’s grace all the more apparent…I hope. Make no mistake, I do not do this for fame nor to appear well-traveled. I do it because of a human being who willingly gave His all, so that I would never have to experience being separated from God. Jesus is His name. It is the least I can do. And I will gladly continue to serve at the honor of my King.

Thank you for praying.

For His Glory,
Candice

“Well, sweet pea, it IS your feet, but you DO need to make sure you’ve got the right shoes or it won’t matter how fast your feet are!”

And so I began mulling that over . . . and asked God to give me some “faster shoes,” because I’m not getting anywhere lately. . . and my feet are going about as fast as they can go.  Not a great way to start the new year.

I still have Christmas cards that I haven’t mailed.

I still have 2 Christmas trees up. (One down, woohoo, since I began this post.)

And I’m still putting all the other Christmas decorations in the attic.–Those also have actually been put up since I started this post.  But don’t even ask how many loads of laundry are piled up in my bathroom . . . I thought I was caught up–I know I’ve folded at least 8 loads in the last week.  Like I said, it doesn’t seem like I’m getting anywhere lately.  (Maybe it’s because we are yet to have a full week of school devoid of a snow day–or I’d like to use that as my excuse anyway.) Oh, did I mention, that the cupboard is bare, and I mean bare.

So . . .

Do I need faster feet?  Honestly, probably not. I’m going about as fast as humanly possible.  I have no desire to go any faster than this.

Do I need different shoes?  Well, maybe, my tread is starting to wear down.

Or, perhaps, do I need to be running a different race? I’m fairly confident I’m doing exactly what God wants me to be doing, and not doing what He doesn’t want me to be doing. So, I’m certain I’m running the right race. In fact, if I didn’t know with confidence that “this” IS the race I’m supposed to be in, I would have passed out after the first mile.

So, how can I actually “get somewhere” with these feet in these shoes in this race?

“I can’t”–outside of the grace of God.

One element I failed to mention to Annabelle, lest I get a blank stare, is that PACE is paramount when she’s running!

I’m a runner, and though I know that full well when I’m actually pounding the pavement, I fail to remember that when the execution of my every day stride becomes hard and tiring and painful, I MUST PACE myself!

And that is exactly the echo I hear God speaking to me lately. . . .

“Pace yourself, Candice. Pace yourself.”

And maybe that is why I’ve been parked in 1 Kings 19.

In verse 7b, the angel of the Lord says,

“Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you [Elijah].” 

Elijah said, “I have had enough, Lord.” (v4).

I get it! I’m a widow. I have 3 children, one with special needs. God has called me not only to mother but to ministry as well.  I can testify that, indeed, this “journey is too great.” And usually by bedtime, I have said, “I have had enough.” I am pooped. I am tired, and I haven’t made lunches for tomorrow. Do I peel myself out of bed now and make them? Or do I put it off until morning, and pray I am up early enough to make healthy lunches and not just throw a bunch of pre-packaged over-processed orange chips in their lunch bags. (I’ll let you know later what the lunch bag holds, because I’m not moving after I post this.)

But this is what I love and cling to . . . that God not only reminds us to eat as He reminded Elijah twice (in verses 5 and7), but He provides the food (verse 6).  Two chapters previous, in 1Kings 17, God sent Elijah bread and meat by the ravens. And then sent him food by way of a widow.  God has been in the business of providing food for hungry, needy people for a long time.  THAT is good news!

I will never forget the night of David’s death, how, literally, God nudged me to eat with the children instead of waiting on David as was my custom.  I specifically recall the Lord impressing me to “Go ahead and eat because you are going to need the energy.”  I made tacos that night. I did, indeed, eat.  In fact, it was at the end of that meal when I received the phone call that tipped me off to David’s crash.  I don’t remember the next time I ate, much less a full meal.  And that is when I knew that my survival depended on God’s gentle promptings and my willingness to accept every crumb of grace that was within my reach  . . . and that which was far beyond my reach.  And for the months that followed, I can testify that I maintained a pace of thriving (not just surviving), because God Himself and His Word was my sustenance.

I am ever so mindful in my modus operandi that everything God enables me to do is so far beyond my reach, there is no doubt (to me, and I pray to the world) that it is only by God’s grace that I am running this race.

And so .  . . I’m learning to run my race with the pace of grace which reminds me to stop and rest and eat . . . and not fret over the Christmas trees that are still up in February or the laundry that is piled up and all of the other things that are (still) on my to-do list. It is, then, and only then that God Himself will continue to enable me to “get somewhere” in these feet, with these shoes, in this race.

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Heb 12: 1 (NLT)

How is your pace? Are you running the right race?

for I know that through your prayers and the Holy Spirit . . .

this will turn out for my deliverance.”  Phil 1:12, 19

Here are just a few of the highlights . . .

January 2010

Volunteered at Passion 2010 where I heard Marilyn Skinner’s testimony & God turned my heart toward a global reach. An amazing experience that I will never forget . . . one of those moments in time that I knew God was awakening me to more of Him and His Kingdom.  (Check out www.watoto.com and www.268generation.com.)

February 2010

Our first family trip to the Magic Kingdom.  Read more at www.herpassionministries.com (mission partners-Families on A Mission). 

God speaks when you take 7 children under 8 to Disney!

I continued to teach and speak through the spring until school was out and we began a very full summer . . .

 †      June: Our annual vacation to Blue Mtn. beach . . . one of our favorite times of making memories. You can see more of our  photos on my personal Facebook page.

†      June: Our first family mission trip to Honduras to the Good Shepherd’s Children’s Home. You can see more photos on Facebook at Her Passion ministries.  (GSCH is a mission partner of Her Passion ministries, www.thegsch.org. Check it out.)  We would love for you to consider going with us! Short travel time. Safe environment. Orphans who will bless your life.

†      July: Off to China to Maria’s Big House (with Show Hope . . . another favorite ministry. www.showhope.org.)

I launched Her Passion ministries in July and hired my first 2 team mates in September! God is moving at warp speed . . . so much so that I can’t keep up with Him! And I am desperately in need of His leading and guidance.  I thought I had the greatest and most challenging job when I once worked for the largest healthcare company in the world . . .

Then I became a mother.

Then I began a ministry . . .  

We are excited about what God has in store for 2011.  Her Passion is reaching the world with the love of Christ through new partnerships in Haiti, Honduras, Africa and India . . . off to Africa and India in 2011! We are also launching Stop The Traffick (an anti-sex trafficking campaign  . . . yes, it is happening here in the US!)   However, my greatest passion remains:  teaching the Word.  That is what prepared me to walk this road before God took David Home and it continues to be what keeps me anchored and able to do what He has called me to do every day.

David continues to love preschool and successfully wrap everyone around his little finger. He is an amazing little fellow, and if you ask me, I think everyone should have a child with Downs in their family!

Annabelle is in kindergarten while Maddie is in 2^nd grade and despite the fact that their daddy is not actively shaping their lives, here, his memory is made alive as we continue to purposefully pursue God’s plan for us. 

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of David and am reminded that though we have plans for our lives, God has other plans . . . and they may be different, but they are not bad.  The words I uttered on the night of David’s death were, “God is still good.”

And He is. 

Thankful for you all,

Candice